Bullying

Bullying!!  This is a very serious issue in today's society and one that I am very passionate about.  It is an issue that I believe needs addressing and changed. Let me tell you why.

You may ask, "Have you ever been bullied?"  My answer would be a resounding "YES".  A lot of people think that bullying is a relatively new thing.  I am here to tell you that it is not.  I graduated from high school in 1981 and I was bullied all through school.  I don't remember it being called bullying back then.  I said that I was being made fun of, which I was; however, it was a form of bullying.

Let me tell you some of my story. When I was 16 1/2 months old, I was diagnosed with encephalitis.  I was born a healthy baby girl.  Up until 11 months old, I was healthy and did what every normal baby that age did. However, something changed.  At 11 months old, I started spiking high fevers and going into convulsions.  At 16 1/2 months old, I had one of these episodes; but this one was worse.  I was sent from one hospital to another.  They ran tests.  They checked me all over.  They tested me for meningitis.  After all that, they said I had viral encephalitis; which essentially is inflammation of the brain.   I slipped into a coma.  The doctors did not know if I would live or if I would come out of the coma.  They said that even if I did come out of the coma, chances were high that I would be a vegetable for the rest of my life.  I woke up after three weeks. That was miracle number one.  However, I was like a 17 month old newborn.  I couldn't even hold my own head up.  I had to learn to do everything all over again.  Encephalitis kills brain cells and affects the muscles in your body.  For me, that means I have a speech impediment and have poor coordination.

Miracle number two was that even though I couldn't do anything on my own still, after being in the hospital for a total of six weeks, they let me go home.

Miracle number three is the woman I am today.  I learned to walk and talk and do most things over again.  I still have limitations and I do get frustrated by them; however, I am very thankful for where I am and what I am able to do.  

School for most kids is a challenge.  Add being what people refer to as "different" and it has a whole new set of challenges.  For me, I talked funny and couldn't play sports well.  I was teased and laughed at from an early age.  I often comment that grade 10 was the worst year of my life. That was the year things came to a climax for me. I was told that  I couldn't do anything right and was laughed at so much that I believed it.  I believed that I was no good.  I believed that I couldn't do things.  I didn't like who I was. I  hated myself. I thought that everyone would be better off without me around.  I didn't want to live anymore. I came home from school every day and cried. I thought about suicide.  I did try to cut my wrists.

I had something that many in this situation don't.  I had a friend - a  real friend. His name was Chris Matthews.  My parents did not approve of our friendship; but I didn't care.  After school, we would go for walks and talk, I would go to his house and play basketball.  He accepted me for who I was.  He was the only one who knew my thoughts at this time.  I told him what I wanted to do and he talked me out of it.  I really believe that I wouldn't be here today if it hadn't been for him.  He stood up for me against the bullies.  I believe that if you have one friend - one real friend - that you can get through anything.  Chris was a real friend and I miss him.

I am still bullied today.  I am an adult and I still get bullied.  I was walking down a street here in Moncton, NB and a man asked me a question.  When I answered him, he turned to his buddies, laughed and said that I couldn't talk. It hurts.  I am usually good at hiding it from most people, but it still hurts.

I share this because I know from personal experience what it is like to be bullied.

Is this the only kind of bullying?  No, of course not.  Bullying can happen at home, at school, at work, on the streets and even on the internet, on social media, which is called cyber bullying.  The only one that I really haven't had a problem with personally is cyber bullying.

I don't really understand why people bully each other.  If we stop and think about it, really think about it, we don't like to be bullied so why would we want to do it to someone else.  

I find that a lot of times people bully someone who is different from them.  The ironic thing about that is that God made each one of us unique....different from each other.  That is a good thing.  It doesn't matter what color skin we have, if we  are tall or short.  It doesn't matter if we are deaf, blind, have a speech impediment or can't talk at all.  It doesn't matter if we are in a wheelchair, walk with crutches, a cane or a walker.  It doesn't matter if we can play sports well or not or have some kind of "disorder".  It doesn't matter because God created us equal,  but all very different from each other.  We all come in different shapes, sizes and nationalities.  None of this should matter.  What does matter is that we are all humans with different looks and personalities.  We should build each other up, not tear each other down.  We should love one another and show that love to each other on a regular basis.

It saddens me when I hear on the news or read about people being bullied.  It saddens me even more when I hear about the person being bullied committing suicide.  I have been there.  I know what it feels like.  

I believe it is far past time for a change. The question is not, "Can change happen?"  The question is, "How can change happen?" Before we can answer this, we must first address whether or not bullying comes naturally or is it a learned behavior?  I very much believe that it is a learned behavior.

Where do kids in particular, learn this behavior?  Kids learn that bullying is an acceptable behavior from the adults in their lives. After all, children mimic what they see.  This is how they learn.  If they hear adults talking "bad" about someone or laughing at them; whether it is to their face or behind their back, the child will think it is alright to do it as well.  They look up to us and we need to set a good example for them to follow.  If they hear us putting someone down, then they will do the same thing.  Then they get punished for it, but they don't understand why  because they heard an adult do it first and they didn't face any consequences.

Some kids also learn this behavior from other kids.  Some kids don't learn this behavior from adults but from other kids who have.  

So then, can bullying be stopped?  Yes, definitely.  How?  By changing yourself.  You may say, "But I'm not a bully?"  Are you sure? Have you ever made fun of someone?  Have you said something about or  to someone  else on social media  that would cause that person to be hurt?  Are you prejudiced?  Do your children hear you saying not so nice things about another person?

Think about it this way. What if someone said or did those things to you?  How would it make you feel?  So, if you wouldn't want someone to say or do those things to you, then why would you want to do them to someone else?

Why did I decide to write this?  I am tired of hearing on the news that someone has committed suicide because they were bullied.  I am tired of reading on Facebook that a friends child is being bullied at school.  I am tired of being bullied.

You may think it's harmless.  It's not.  I am still dealing with issues  because of being bullied. I am trying to see myself in a positive way.  Some days I succeed, some I don't.  I have forgiven those who have bullied me.  That is not an easy thing to do; but it is necessary if you don't want to become bitter. 

The next time you go to say something mean to or about someone or do something to them, think.  If you wouldn't want them to say or do these things to you, then don't say or do them to that person.  Think before you speak or act.