Bullying

Bullying!!  This is a very serious issue in today's society and one that I am very passionate about.  It is an issue that I believe needs addressing and changed. Let me tell you why.

You may ask, "Have you ever been bullied?"  My answer would be a resounding "YES".  A lot of people think that bullying is a relatively new thing.  I am here to tell you that it is not.  I graduated from high school in 1981 and I was bullied all through school.  I don't remember it being called bullying back then.  I said that I was being made fun of, which I was; however, it was a form of bullying.

Let me tell you some of my story. When I was 16 1/2 months old, I was diagnosed with encephalitis.  I was born a healthy baby girl.  Up until 11 months old, I was healthy and did what every normal baby that age did. However, something changed.  At 11 months old, I started spiking high fevers and going into convulsions.  At 16 1/2 months old, I had one of these episodes; but this one was worse.  I was sent from one hospital to another.  They ran tests.  They checked me all over.  They tested me for meningitis.  After all that, they said I had viral encephalitis; which essentially is inflammation of the brain.   I slipped into a coma.  The doctors did not know if I would live or if I would come out of the coma.  They said that even if I did come out of the coma, chances were high that I would be a vegetable for the rest of my life.  I woke up after three weeks. That was miracle number one.  However, I was like a 17 month old newborn.  I couldn't even hold my own head up.  I had to learn to do everything all over again.  Encephalitis kills brain cells and affects the muscles in your body.  For me, that means I have a speech impediment and have poor coordination.

Miracle number two was that even though I couldn't do anything on my own still, after being in the hospital for a total of six weeks, they let me go home.

Miracle number three is the woman I am today.  I learned to walk and talk and do most things over again.  I still have limitations and I do get frustrated by them; however, I am very thankful for where I am and what I am able to do.  

School for most kids is a challenge.  Add being what people refer to as "different" and it has a whole new set of challenges.  For me, I talked funny and couldn't play sports well.  I was teased and laughed at from an early age.  I often comment that grade 10 was the worst year of my life. That was the year things came to a climax for me. I was told that  I couldn't do anything right and was laughed at so much that I believed it.  I believed that I was no good.  I believed that I couldn't do things.  I didn't like who I was. I  hated myself. I thought that everyone would be better off without me around.  I didn't want to live anymore. I came home from school every day and cried. I thought about suicide.  I did try to cut my wrists.

I had something that many in this situation don't.  I had a friend - a  real friend. His name was Chris Matthews.  My parents did not approve of our friendship; but I didn't care.  After school, we would go for walks and talk, I would go to his house and play basketball.  He accepted me for who I was.  He was the only one who knew my thoughts at this time.  I told him what I wanted to do and he talked me out of it.  I really believe that I wouldn't be here today if it hadn't been for him.  He stood up for me against the bullies.  I believe that if you have one friend - one real friend - that you can get through anything.  Chris was a real friend and I miss him.

I am still bullied today.  I am an adult and I still get bullied.  I was walking down a street here in Moncton, NB and a man asked me a question.  When I answered him, he turned to his buddies, laughed and said that I couldn't talk. It hurts.  I am usually good at hiding it from most people, but it still hurts.

I share this because I know from personal experience what it is like to be bullied.

Is this the only kind of bullying?  No, of course not.  Bullying can happen at home, at school, at work, on the streets and even on the internet, on social media, which is called cyber bullying.  The only one that I really haven't had a problem with personally is cyber bullying.

I don't really understand why people bully each other.  If we stop and think about it, really think about it, we don't like to be bullied so why would we want to do it to someone else.  

I find that a lot of times people bully someone who is different from them.  The ironic thing about that is that God made each one of us unique....different from each other.  That is a good thing.  It doesn't matter what color skin we have, if we  are tall or short.  It doesn't matter if we are deaf, blind, have a speech impediment or can't talk at all.  It doesn't matter if we are in a wheelchair, walk with crutches, a cane or a walker.  It doesn't matter if we can play sports well or not or have some kind of "disorder".  It doesn't matter because God created us equal,  but all very different from each other.  We all come in different shapes, sizes and nationalities.  None of this should matter.  What does matter is that we are all humans with different looks and personalities.  We should build each other up, not tear each other down.  We should love one another and show that love to each other on a regular basis.

It saddens me when I hear on the news or read about people being bullied.  It saddens me even more when I hear about the person being bullied committing suicide.  I have been there.  I know what it feels like.  

I believe it is far past time for a change. The question is not, "Can change happen?"  The question is, "How can change happen?" Before we can answer this, we must first address whether or not bullying comes naturally or is it a learned behavior?  I very much believe that it is a learned behavior.

Where do kids in particular, learn this behavior?  Kids learn that bullying is an acceptable behavior from the adults in their lives. After all, children mimic what they see.  This is how they learn.  If they hear adults talking "bad" about someone or laughing at them; whether it is to their face or behind their back, the child will think it is alright to do it as well.  They look up to us and we need to set a good example for them to follow.  If they hear us putting someone down, then they will do the same thing.  Then they get punished for it, but they don't understand why  because they heard an adult do it first and they didn't face any consequences.

Some kids also learn this behavior from other kids.  Some kids don't learn this behavior from adults but from other kids who have.  

So then, can bullying be stopped?  Yes, definitely.  How?  By changing yourself.  You may say, "But I'm not a bully?"  Are you sure? Have you ever made fun of someone?  Have you said something about or  to someone  else on social media  that would cause that person to be hurt?  Are you prejudiced?  Do your children hear you saying not so nice things about another person?

Think about it this way. What if someone said or did those things to you?  How would it make you feel?  So, if you wouldn't want someone to say or do those things to you, then why would you want to do them to someone else?

Why did I decide to write this?  I am tired of hearing on the news that someone has committed suicide because they were bullied.  I am tired of reading on Facebook that a friends child is being bullied at school.  I am tired of being bullied.

You may think it's harmless.  It's not.  I am still dealing with issues  because of being bullied. I am trying to see myself in a positive way.  Some days I succeed, some I don't.  I have forgiven those who have bullied me.  That is not an easy thing to do; but it is necessary if you don't want to become bitter. 

The next time you go to say something mean to or about someone or do something to them, think.  If you wouldn't want them to say or do these things to you, then don't say or do them to that person.  Think before you speak or act.

August 8, 2016 - A Fresh Start

I am going to try to post in my blog again....it has been a long time since I have done this.  I have a couple of friends on Facebook that have said that they want to see more writing from the person's perspective than just quoting authors all the time. So, I am going to attempt to do this again. So here are my thoughts today:

For those of you who know me even semi-well, know that I love lighthouses. A lighthouse sits, often on a rugged cliff, so that people can see its light and be guided by it. Without the light of a lighthouse many would have perished in storms, fog, and turbulent waters.  Without that light or the foghorn, many would have been lost, drifted off course or never made it home.  Many sailors were glad to  see the light of a lighthouse and to hear the blows of the horn. They could have chosen to look the other way,  to pay no attention to the light, to turn a deaf ear to the horn; but that would would have been costly.   

Thinking about this last night, I was reminded that in life, we need a Lighthouse too. Through the many storms in our lives, we do have a Lighthouse, all we need to do is look up for His light.  It's there. God is my Lighthouse.  God will guide our way; but like the sailors on the ocean, we have a choice.  We can look the other way; to pretend we don't hear God speaking to us; but that will be costly for us as well. 

Am I looking to the Light?  Am I listening for God's voice? Or am I choosing to turn away from the Light and turning a deaf ear to his voice?  Like the sailors on the ocean, if we choose to see the Light and listen to his voice to guide us, He will guide us safely home.  It may not be easy.  We may still have rough seas in our lives; but with the Light of the Lighthouse, and listening to His voice to guide our way, we will make it safely home.

"God, help me to choose to follow Your light and to listen to Your voice through whatever storms may come my way."

Good Morning, Lord! It has been a while since I have done this, I know; but I think it's time I got back into it again on a more regular basis. Don't You? I miss talking to You like this, Lord...life has gotten so busy...I know that's not a good excuse...sometimes it's hard just get time alone here to be able to do this... Thank You for the beautiful sunshine today, Lord... Lord, thank You for bringing Brandon to church yesterday...it was amazing to see him there with his family...thank You for answering my prayer...please let him continue to come. Lord, please help me know what You have here for me to do for You...sometimes it's so hard to know...speak to me Lord...I miss hearing from You...I love You, Lord... I am trying to read the Bible through in 3 months...so far I have been able to keep up...it's not easy, Lord...help me to be able to do this... pm...well Lord, I asked you this morning what I was supposed to do here and we get a call from Sandy Cove Bible Camp this afternoon...I know this is more for John than for me, but it will affect me too...thank You Lord...help us to know if this is going to be Your will for us...

January 2nd, 2011

Good-night, Lord. Today has been good, but busy. Had a good day at Wilson's Beach Church.

I thank You Lord that I am Your daughter. Help me to worship You. Help me to show You my love. Help me to celebrate being Your daughter every day - help me not to forget - not to take that fact for granted. I am glad that I have run to You; You have wiped my slate clean. Thank You, Lord. I don't regret it. I love You!

My prayer is that the youth of this island will come to love You too! Help them to see a difference in our lives - help me to show them love - help me to show Your love to them.

Help me to live a life of integrity - help me to be a woman of noble character.

January 1st, 2011!

Wow! Another year is over! So, did I achieve my goal(s) or New Years Resolutions, as many people call them, for last year? Am I a stronger person? Am I more like You, God? Am I becoming the woman You want me to be? Yes, I believe I am! Am I perfect? No! Has it been easy? No. Did I fail? Yes, many times! Am I going to try again this year? Yes! Why? Because I know that this is what You want from me.

Did I achieve my reading goals? No. I wanted to see how many times I could read the New Testament through in a year - I didn't even finish it once! Even though I still had my devotions most days, I did not achieve that goal. Am I going to try it again this year? I'm not sure yet. I also did not achieve my goal of of reading one non-fiction book a month. I am ashamed to say tat I only read 2 or 3 of that kind of book last year. I am in the midle of one right now. Am I going to strive to do this one again? Yes! I also wanted to rad 50 books last year - I only read 44 3/4. I am going to try to do that one again as well.

What about my writing goals? Did I achieve them! I almost achieved the one for my blog. I wanted to write at least two entries per month. I think there were only 2 months I did not achieve that goal. This year is going to be tougher. I would like to write at least once a week.

I am going to set a goal for having the first draft of my book done as well. I would like to have all 90 days no later than the end of August. Sooner would be better.

Lord, please help me achieve these goals - not for me - but for Your glory. I love You, Lord!


Please help me to pray for all of the youth on a regular basis.

Lord, help me to become closer to You each day. Please speak to me.

I love You Lord. Amen.

I am going to try something I have never done before - pray the Psalms.

Lord, help me to thrill on Your Word. Help me to chew on Scripture day and night. Help me to bear fruit. Help me not to be like the wicked and help me to follow the road You chart for me. Amen.

December 20, 2010

Lord, I am struggling again. Please help me! I know I failed miserably today and I am sorry.

Help me to focus on the positive things in my life. If I do this each day, maybe the negative won't bother me as much. It's worked before; Lord, let it happen again.

I love You, Lord. Lift me up.

December 18th, 2010

"Lord, I choose to focus on the positive, especially the truth of God's Word; therefore my life is filled with positive outcomes."

This is my third time going through this book "Becoming The Woman God Wants Me To Be". Each time I have done this book, I have felt like my life was off kilter and it needed to be put back on an even keel. The first time my life was changed and I pray that it will have that affect again.

Lord, I pray that I will learn to focus on the positive - not only in parts of my life, but in all areas. Some areas of my life I find it easier to do that in than others. Please help me learn to focus on the positive in a new area this time - one that I have a hard time doing it in.

Lord, help me to either take action to change the situation or to have enough faith to accept the things that cannot be changed.